i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
