So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
