I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
