decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize