How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
