Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
