God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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