Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
