he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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