Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
