listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
