Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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