just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
