ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
