Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
