I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
