found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
third nipple confirmed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
