New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
