remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
