I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
