Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I see more hoeing in ur future
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