my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize