I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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