If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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