Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
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She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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