Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
