Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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