Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
