I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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