Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
