it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
