im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
