JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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