I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
