the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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