the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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