I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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