I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
