just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
