Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
