I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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