Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
