Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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