woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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