I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize