I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How external is "for external use only"?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
