I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
