I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
