Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
