You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
