I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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