your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
