I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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