Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
