Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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