They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
