i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
