My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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