he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back