Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

  (224): View more from Illinois

  RUN RUN RUN RUN

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  (847): I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me (224): RUN RUN RUN RUN http://tfl.nu/a7sq
  Replies (23) Good night (3173) Bad night (644)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

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  (480): I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i. http://tfl.nu/z1bk
  Replies (16) Good night (504) Bad night (4111) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.

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  (612): is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused. http://tfl.nu/sovs
  Replies (100) Good night (1048) Bad night (5823) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Operation Purity has been aborted

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  (306): Operation Purity has been aborted http://tfl.nu/jf4h
  Replies (24) Good night (6367) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"

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  (519): Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake" http://tfl.nu/m7yz
  Replies (12) Good night (3075) Bad night (1420) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?

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  (859): The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you? http://tfl.nu/o13h
  Replies (8) Good night (3500) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...

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  (925): We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo... http://tfl.nu/7fya
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (2127) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.

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  (214): Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman. http://tfl.nu/itkd
  Replies (15) Good night (840) Bad night (3082) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.

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  (251): Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record. http://tfl.nu/akbh
  Replies (19) Good night (1658) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?

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  (203): If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/eshu
  Replies (12) Good night (906) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.

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  (401): My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar. http://tfl.nu/tapz
  Replies (4) Good night (487) Bad night (2027)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.

  (281): View more from Texas

  That does show growth.

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  (832): This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex. (281): That does show growth. http://tfl.nu/3swa
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (356)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?

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  (312): When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad? http://tfl.nu/0o5n
  Replies (14) Good night (1327) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb

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  (403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb http://tfl.nu/fhfr
  Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest

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  (662): The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance (1-662): Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest http://tfl.nu/10xm
  Replies (2) Good night (964) Bad night (131)

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