You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
