i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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