Texts From Last Night

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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.

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  (231): i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am. http://tfl.nu/2854
  Replies (26) Good night (623) Bad night (2675)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".

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  (720): He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost". http://tfl.nu/8ltm
  Replies (39) Good night (8160) Bad night (756)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...

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  (804): So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them... http://tfl.nu/vyz1
  Replies (63) Good night (868) Bad night (9554)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.

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  (978): and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic. http://tfl.nu/tsdy
  Replies (26) Good night (753) Bad night (4764)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Hookers taste better with whip cream

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fair enough

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  (417): Hookers taste better with whip cream (816): Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too (417): Fair enough http://tfl.nu/svnz
  Replies (45) Good night (4066) Bad night (1324)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

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  (781): So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger. (603): Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat. http://tfl.nu/6067
  Replies (19) Good night (6788) Bad night (1201)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics

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  (435): When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics http://tfl.nu/17q6
  Replies (13) Good night (3913) Bad night (949)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!

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  (203): Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best! http://tfl.nu/yqk0
  Replies (3) Good night (1077) Bad night (481)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.

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  (713): I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/unpl
  Replies (4) Good night (855) Bad night (333)
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  (707): View more from California

  They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield

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  (707): They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield http://tfl.nu/3a5d
  Replies (7) Good night (1573) Bad night (460)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.

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  (920): I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/db61
  Replies (6) Good night (609) Bad night (229)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Please never have kids.

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  (727): I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour. (1-727): Please never have kids. http://tfl.nu/il5z
  Replies (4) Good night (690) Bad night (273)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.

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  (727): Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best. http://tfl.nu/j1qb
  Replies (3) Good night (1011) Bad night (322)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.

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  (219): If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life. http://tfl.nu/39kr
  Replies (6) Good night (1085) Bad night (349)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."

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  (571): I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar." http://tfl.nu/n1ur
  Replies (4) Good night (413) Bad night (178)

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