i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore