I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.