My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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