I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.