I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
