i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
