NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
