The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am spending my child support on dildos
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
