I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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