Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
