Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
me + whiskey = a bad person
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
