My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
