having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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