no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
