Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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