Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
