you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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