I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
