Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
