I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
