Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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