She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
